Litigation Value: A little recognition goes a long way, especially if there’s an unlimited bar tab…
As the weeks roll by, we find ourselves closer and closer to the season premiere and Michael Stott’s last year at the office. But right now, we’re still in the midst of the long, hot summer, and last night was another rerun. Last night we re-watched “St. Patrick’s Day,” which we covered earlier this year. It got me thinking about job satisfaction. In addition to work-life balance, which we discussed on first run, what else do employees need to feel happy in their jobs? Recognition! Now that’s something Michael does very well, especially when the annual Dundie Awards roll around. Here are my picks for 2010:
The Brangelina Award goes to the hottest couple in the office! Their roller coaster romance gives us plenty to talk about at the water cooler when we should be selling paper. Ladies and gentlemen, Ryan Howard and Kelly Kapoor!
The North Pole Award for the best Santa Claus in Dunder Mifflin history goes to Santa “2009 through forever” Phyllis Vance! (Michael can always admit when he’s made a mistake.)
The Wet Blanket Award goes to everyone’s favorite stick-in-the-mud, Angela Martin. (No exclamation point here, because Angela doesn’t approve of enthusiasm.)
The Troubador Award for best singer/songwriter in the office is an easy one: Andy Bernard! Andy would love to lead us in a rousing version of “Far Above,” the Cornell Alma Mater, which he has rewritten to be a song about our beloved Dunder Mifflin. Unfortunately, he forgot to distribute the lyrics. So you’ll all just have to listen to him sing instead.
The Lord Voldemort Award goes to Michael’s arch-nemesis, Toby Flenderson! (After presenting this award, Michael plans to put on a pair of fake wire-rim glasses, wave a pencil at Toby, and shout “Avada Kedavra!” He’s not sure what’s supposed to happen next, but Dwight assures him that there will be fireworks.)
The Mario Batali Award goes to Kevin Malone! Kevin kept Pam very well fed during her pregnancy, cooking his way through the “Twilight Cookbook.” To thank Kevin for his service to Jim’s grocery budget, we shall all join Kevin and Pam in a rousing Ultrafeast!
The Evil Genius Award for best plotting goes to Darryl Philbin, whose plan to convince Andy to cause trouble by exposing Sabre’s malfunctioning printers works better than anyone could have ever predicted.
The Phish Phollower Award goes to our very own Creed Bratton. Does Michael really need to explain why?
The Bean Counter Award for the most financially savvy member of the accounting team has to be for Oscar Martinez! Oscar has a knack for explaining finances in a way that makes sense. Remember last year when he explained the concept of a surplus to Michael using the example of a lemonade stand? Of course, Michael still doesn’t really know what a surplus is, but that’s not Oscar’s fault…
The Crossword Award goes to Stanley Hudson! We’re all amazed at Stanley’s ability to focus on his crossword puzzle and tune out everything Michael says in those mind-numbing conference room meetings. Way to go, Stanley!
The Irish-for-a-Day Award goes to Meredith Palmer! Meredith brings the party to Scranton every day… even when the staff is stuck working late on St. Patrick’s Day.
The Meryl Streep Award for best actress in the office goes to our very own Erin Hannon! Erin blew us all away with her gutsy yet sensitive portrayal of “Naughty Nellie” during the murder mystery game. Between Erin’s acting chops and Andy’s astonishing musical talent, they would be the next great Hollywood power couple… if only Erin could get over that whole Angela thing.
I know you’ve all been waiting for this one! This honoree loves Dunder Mifflin more than life itself. He can always be counted on to protect the office from bears, angry ex-fiances, vampires, mafia bosses, cheating girlfriends, and littterbugs. Please give a big hand to this year’s Super Office Ninja Award winner, Dwight Schrute!
The Cutest Baby Award has to go to Jim and Pam Halpert! Baby Cecelia is just so darn adorable that Michael can’t even begin to describe… actually, Jim, you never got back to Michael about being godfather. What’s the deal with that, man?
And because everyone’s favorite boss needs a little recognition, too, the Casanova Award absolutely must go to Michael Scott! Michael would like to see one of you date a subordinate’s mom and a married woman in one year. That’s right! Clearly, Michael is God’s gift to employees — especially female ones. That’s what she said!