Crowley and Elster, authors of the recently released Working for You Isn't Working for Me, offer examples of bosses behaving badly. Have you ever had a boss who:

• Sends you mixed messages? ("He said I could take the afternoon off, then screamed when he couldn't find me.")
• Has constantly changing priorities? ("Last week the priority was sales; this week it's reorganizing the office.")
• "Gives unwarranted criticism? ("My boss rebuked me for implementing a program that he suggested.")
• Insists on being right?
• Takes credit for others' work?
• Constantly lies?
• Is incapable of making decisions?

Typically, say the authors, when confronted by such behavior, people resort to one or more of these coping tactics:

1. Obsession. You can't get it out of your mind, lose sleep, and your energy drains.

2. Avoidance. You avoid contact with the boss. The cost: You come over as uncommitted and uncooperative.

3. Self-doubt. You start to think that you may be the cause of the problem. How could I make so many mistakes?

4. Sulking. You let everyone know that you are not happy.

5. Wishing for the boss's demise. Toxic thoughts take up mental space and psychic energy.

6. Gloating over the boss's failure. You are delighted every time the boss appears less than perfect to people both inside and outside the company.

7. Bad-mouthing. You look for opportunities to complain and make disparaging remarks to anyone who will listen.

Managing an HR Department of One was recently recognized as one of SHRM’s “Great 8” best-selling products. Examine it at no cost or risk for 30 days and find out what all the buzz is about.

8. Confrontation. You approach the boss with "It's not fair to blame me when you don't read the e-mails I send you," or "You're setting me up for failure."

9. Retaliation/acting out. You start taking calculated actions against the boss. You may become a hero to your peers, but you'll become a troublemaker to your superiors.

10. Shutting out. You avoid communication with the boss.

What these reactions have in common, says Working for You, is that they tend to yield negative results.

The authors offer an alternative to handling boss/employee relationships that they call the “Four D's": 

• Detect
• Detach
• Depersonalize
• Deal

Detect

Working for You describes eight phases that people typically go through when involved in a stressful boss/subordinate relationship:

1. Honeymoon—You and your boss are on your best behavior. You ignore any signs of potential conflict.
2. Internal alarm—Your boss says or does something that makes you feel uneasy, anxious, or alarmed.
3. Restart, try harder—In attempting to get back to that good honeymoon feeling, you start to work harder by putting in extra time and effort to win back the boss's favor.
4. Disappointment—You realize that your boss is not who or what you expected. You start avoiding him or her and complaining to others.
5. Rehearsing and rehashing—You obsess about conversations, e-mails, and meetings you've had with your boss. Your mind is constantly rehashing the last encounter.
6. Anger and blame—You feel angry and resentful toward your boss. You bad-mouth, sulk, or wish for the boss's demise. You think of ways to retaliate.
7. Emotional pain turns physical—You feel physically depleted and emotionally drained. Neck pain, back pain, ulcers, or other physical conditions appear.
8. Burnout—You feel trapped with no visible exit. You are exhausted, depressed, and isolated from family and friends.

If you identify with these phases, say the authors, you have accomplished the first step—detection that there's a problem.

Feel as if you’re all alone in HR? Take on a partner—Managing an HR Department of One. Examine it at no cost or risk for 30 days. Get more information.

Detach

Once you recognize the problem, you work to detach; that is, you find ways to separate yourself from the problematic relationship. You refocus and take back your power by taking charge of the things that you do have control over.

Detaching is a two-part process, says Working for You:

1. Accept that you are not going to change the boss.
2. Take actions to restore your energy, repair your emotional state, and rebuild your confidence.

For example, that might involve:

• Exercising three times a week (to restore energy)
• Returning to a favorite hobby (to feel better emotionally)
• Writing down your successes every day (to rebuild confidence)

In tomorrow's Advisor, the last two D's, Depersonalize and Deal, plus an introduction to a unique program just for people in small, or even one-person, HR departments.

BLR®’s Managing an HR Department of One is unique in addressing the special pressures small HR departments face. Here are some of its features:

• Explanation of how HR supports organizational goals. This section explains how to probe for what your top management really wants and how to build credibility in your ability to deliver it.
• Overview of compliance responsibilities, through a really useful,         2-page chart of 23 separate laws that HR needs to comply with. These range from the well-known Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA), Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), and the new healthcare reform legislation to lesser-known, but equally critical, rules such as Executive Order 11246. Also included are examples of federal and state posting requirements. (Proper postings are among the first things a visiting inspector looks for ... especially now that the minimum wage has been repeatedly changing.)
• Training guidelines. No matter the size of your company, expect to conduct training. Some of it is required by law; some of it is just good business sense. Managing an HR Department of One walks you through how to train efficiently and effectively with a minimum of time and money.
• Prewritten forms, policies, and checklists. These are enormous work savers! Managing an HR Department of One has 46 such forms, from job apps and background check sheets to performance appraisals and leave requests, in both paper and on CD. The CD lets you easily customize any form with your company’s name and specifics.

If you’d like a more complete look at what Managing an HR Department of One covers, click the Table of Contents link below. Or, better yet, take a look at the entire program. We’ll send it to you for 30 days’ evaluation in your own office with no obligation to buy. Click here, and we’ll be happy to make the arrangements.

Download Table of Contents
Order or Get More Information

More Articles on HR Management