HR Management & Compliance

HR Administration: How Can I Stop Being Put in the Middle Between My Employee and His Ex?


An employee’s ex-spouse calls me when she needs a new insurance card, forms, etc., for their child rather than contacting the insurance company or her ex. I’m tired of being put in the middle and feel this is something that should be handled between the two individuals. If she had a problem with an issue after contacting the insurance company, I would gladly help—but routine matters, I feel, should not involve me. What should I do?
Frustrated in Covina


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You pose an interesting question that is a lot more about the customer service aspect of HR than technical or policy-driven issues. HR personnel are often asked to become engaged in a wide variety of activities. From how you outline the situation, it seems like this is not the first time this has occurred.

One approach would be to say to her: “The insurance company may need additional information that I do not have, so it would be much better if you called them directly.” Or, “It is better that you call them directly. If you have a problem, let me know.” You shouldn’t offer to solve problems for her if you believe she is simply using you because it is easier for her and/or she is trying to avoid her ex-husband. You probably should ask her why she is looking to you to help her before you become abrupt or discourteous, as she may have a legitimate reason for contacting you.

You may be tempted to tell her to grow up, become an adult, and take care of her own business, but this is one of those situations in which you’ll need to keep in mind that courtesy and being a role model in communication is a built-in part of being an HR professional—even when it’s not one of your employees who’s driving you nuts.

Rhoma Young is founder and head of the HR consulting firm Rhoma Young & Associates in Oakland.

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