In yesterday’s Advisor the “boss whisperer” helped managers get information from subordinates. Today, her tips on how to approach the abrasive manager.
The boss whisperer is executive coach Dr. Laura Crawshaw. These tips are from her book, Taming the Abrasive Manager: How to End Unnecessary Roughness in the Workplace.
When you present the facts, the abrasive manager will deny them. The way around this is to present feelings as fact, says Crawshaw.
Say you have accused the abrasive manager of treating subordinates disrespectfully, and he has denied it. You say:
"The fact is, I don’t know and cannot know exactly what happened—I wasn’t there. But I do know one fact: Your people felt that they were treated disrespectfully."
Or you might have told the manager that he had threatened to fire his people.
"That’s not what I said," the manager will reply. You say:
"That may not be exactly what you said—I wasn’t there. But the fact is that you were perceived as saying it—people took it as a direct threat to their jobs."
Or the manager might respond, "They pushed my buttons." (It’s their fault.)
You say: "That’s no justification for launching a nuclear attack. As a manager you’re expected to deal with difficult employees without attacking them. It’s called managing, not mangling."
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Or the manager might say, "These deadlines are unrealistic." (It’s the company’s fault.) You say:
"I won’t accept that as a reason for treating people badly. If you’re feeling up against the wall, I expect you to bring that to me."
Remember, says Crawshaw, that your goal is not to convince them that they are abrasive. You won’t succeed. The goal is to make them see that they are perceived as abrasive.
Crawshaw suggests that you not try to convince managers to be caring, nice, or kind. Make the business case instead. Do a cost-benefit analysis of their abrasive behavior.
You: "What are the benefits of your current management style of [list specific abrasive behaviors]?"
Manager: "It wakes people up and shows that I’m serious."
"It motivates them to step it up."
You: "And what price are you paying for your aggressive style?"
Manager: "People don’t want to work for me."
"They’ve gotten me in trouble with HR."
"I have to have this discussion with you."
The hope is that the manager will see that the short-term benefits of abrasive behavior they see (attainment of business goals) are far outweighed by the long-term costs that you are making them see (damage to employee and organizational functioning). And they may also see that their survival is at stake.
Now you can demand change.
"Our code of conduct calls for respect of others. If you can’t bring your behavior into compliance with that code, I’ll be forced to take action."
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Coaching another abrasive manager—that’s just one of what, a dozen challenges that will hit your desk today? Harassment accusations, sudden terminations, intermittent leave headaches, accommodation requests? Let’s face it, in HR, if it’s not one thing, it’s another. You need a go-to resource, and our editors recommend the “everything HR in one website,” HR.BLR.com.
As an example of what you will find there, here are some tips on hiring, taken from a supervisor handout on the website:
- Evaluate applications and résumés against a written job description that outlines essential job functions and defines the skills, knowledge, aptitudes, and abilities required to perform the job effectively.
- Check references and compare the information you obtain with applications and résumés. Surveys report that 30 percent to 50 percent of job applicants either lie or exaggerate on applications and résumés.
- Don’t let personal prejudices interfere with the screening process. Evaluate each candidate based on objective job qualifications.
- Know—and follow strictly—requirements of company hiring policies and the fair employment laws.
We should point out that this is just one of hundreds of such handouts and other supervisor training aids on the site.
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