“Managers and supervisors will instantly call the help desk when they have a computer problem,” says Paul Falcone, “but they are reluctant to ask for help when they face a tough conversation with an employee.”
Falcone, a prolific writer on HR topics and a popular speaker, is Vice President, Employee Relations, at Time Warner Cable in Los Angeles. He is the author of the best-selling 101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees: A Manager’s Guide to Performance, Conduct, and Discipline Challenges and 101 Sample Write-Ups for Documenting Employee Performance Problems: A Guide to Progressive Discipline and Termination.
Falcone’s remarks came at the recent Society for Human Resource Management Conference and Exhibition in San Diego.
Falcone’s Tips for Managing Tough Conversations
Approach tough discussions with the concept that we’re all responsible for our own perception management. Say, for example, “Let me share with you what it looks like from my vantage point … .”
Falcone suggests that HR managers “allow people to assume responsibility for their actions. You’ll ‘pierce their heart’ and get them to want to change things for themselves.”
Here are Falcone’s recommendations for dealing with specific situations:
1. Speaking Off the Record
A subordinate approaches his boss and says, “Off the record, nobody better mess with me today,” as he loudly taps a bullet on the desk. The boss thinks this should be reported, but it was revealed “off the record.”
There’s no such thing as “off the record,” says Falcone. When someone says “This is off the record” or “This is confidential,” stop them right there and say:
“If it has to do with:
1. Discrimination or harassment,
2. Potential violence in the workplace, or
3. A perceived conflict of interest with the company,
I have an obligation to disclose that to management, and I can’t keep it confidential.”
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2. Stopping Attitude Problems in Their Tracks
Rule 1: Tell the person in private how you perceive her actions and how she makes you feel.
Rule 2: Avoid the term “attitude” and replace it with “behavior” or “conduct.”
Rule 3: Be specific and “paint a picture with words.”
Example: “Lisa, I need your help. You know how they say that perception is reality until proven otherwise? Well, I feel like you’re either angry with me or with the rest of the group. I may be off in my assumption, but that’s an honest assessment of the perception you’re giving off.
“I just want you to know that I wouldn’t treat you that way in front of others. I have too much respect for you to do that … Let me ask you, how would you feel if you were the supervisor and one of your staff members responded that way in front of your team? With that kind of tone of voice or body language?”
3. Body Odor
“Roger, I wanted to meet with you one-on-one in my office because I need to share something with you privately, discreetly, and with as much sensitivity as possible.”
“You may not realize it, but it appears that you have a body odor problem. And it isn’t merely a personal matter, it’s a workplace disruption issue that I’ll need your help to repair.
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“I’ve had conversations like this with employees before, and usually they’re not even aware that the problem exists. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but if you don’t mind my asking, are you aware of the issue, and if so, is that something you could take care of on your end?
“Roger, listen, I’m here to help in any way I can. If you’d like us to set up a fan in your office, or if you’d like to change your schedule so that you could take breaks throughout the day to have time to freshen up, I’d be very supportive of that. Just let me know whatever I could do to help, OK?
“If you wouldn’t mind, though, I’d prefer not to have to address this with you again because it’s a bit uncomfortable for me, so is this something you feel you could fix on a go-forward basis?”
In tomorrow’s Advisor, Falcone’s approach for absenteeism, “patterning,” and intermittent FMLA abuse, and an introduction to a very practical program for making sure your policies are well-written and up-to-date.