HR Management & Compliance

Eleven Harassment Statements You Don’t Want to Hear

Harassment misconceptions abound, and managers and supervisors may be the most confused. Here are some of the statements and scenarios you don’t want to see. How to avoid them? Training.

As a manager, if I suspect behavior that might be harassment, I observe carefully; when I determine that it’s actually illegal, I take firm and immediate steps to discipline the perpetrator.”

There are two problems here. First of all, you should not try to figure out whether behavior is illegal. Instead, you should focus on whether behavior is inappropriate and contrary to policy. If it is, take action right away. And don’t talk about whether actions are “illegal.” That discussion or email will be plaintiff’s exhibit number one if you get to court.

Second, don’t “punish the perpetrator” without a thorough investigation.

Hey, if people can’t take a little kidding, what kind of team members are they?”

Behavior that is kidding to one person may be offensive to others. In harassment cases, little attention is paid to the motives or intent of the offender; what counts is the reaction of the person offended. The defense of “I was just kidding” or “I didn’t mean anything by it” won’t carry any weight.

Supervisors and managers (and all employees) need to be trained to avoid heavy-handed humor or discussions involving sexual innuendo, racial, religious, or ethnic slurs, or age-based comments.

Here’s what people don’t realize. Eventually, some of the people who were the butt of those jokes or comments will be fired. They will claim that the firing is because of their membership in a protected group. Those jokes will suddenly become powerful pieces of evidence.

As one expert notes, “Those jokes will be in front of the jury on a whiteboard with letters six inches high.”


Headlines (and court judgments) tell the story—anti-harassment programs are critical. Solution? Check out BLR’s new Sexual Harassment Essentials Kit. Instantly downloadable. Go here for details.


“Sexual harassment involves intimate touching or other manner of physical contact—I was just talking. How is that harassment?”

Intimate touching and other physical contacts are a particularly egregious form of harassment (and perhaps criminal assault and battery), but harassment may also occur from innuendo, sexual talk, inappropriate jokes, and other offensive behavior, or tangible job actions like demotions, poor ratings, or termination.

You won’t even have a drink with me?  (That could be reflected in your next appraisal.)”

“Let’s share a room at the convention—and we’ll talk about a nice raise for you.”

These are classic quid pro quo harassment situations, which are never acceptable (or defensible).

“Sexual harassment doesn’t arise from just one incident; there has to be a pattern of incidents.”

It’s true that for many hostile environment harassment situations, there may need to be more than one incident for it to be illegal harassment, For example, asking a co-worker out once isn’t harassment, but continually asking the coworker out after having been told to stop could be. Same for bringing flowers, making suggestive comments, etc.

However, there are many actions that could be harassment the first time. For example, inappropriate touching, or termination for refusing a request for sexual favors.

And, once again, don’t focus on illegality of actions, but on inappropriateness and against company policy and values.


Harassment happening in your company as you read this? Could be. Get your anti-harassment program going with BLR’s new Sexual Harassment Essentials Kit. Instantly downloadable. Get more details here.


“No, I didn’t block her promotion because she complained about my teasing her about her sex life.”

Maybe it’s true and the complaint had nothing to do with blocking the promotion, but it’s going to appear that way, unless there’s clear documentation of a compelling business reason for blocking the promotion, and the employee’s treatment was consistent with the way other employees were treated.

In tomorrow’s Advisor, more harassment scenarios you don’t want to see, plus an introduction to a unique new downloadable anti-harassment essentials kit from BLR’s Instant Solutions Resource Library.

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1 thought on “Eleven Harassment Statements You Don’t Want to Hear”

  1. To this list I would add, “We’ve *always* had a relaxed, jokey environment around here–it’s just our culture.”

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