HR Management & Compliance

HR for the Holidays

(To the tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Dashing to and fro, HR’s work is never done.
Holiday parties are not really all that fun.
When things have gone too far, paperwork abounds.
Promptly investigating claims when mistletoe’s around.

Source: Iris_Images / shutterstock

Oh, jingle bells. Something smells
Like burning cans of ham.
The office party’s heating up like only this place can.
Hey!
What a year. Put down that beer!
Who hired that guy Mac?
Stick him in a driverless cab before he starts to yack.

Looking through résumés, reviewing background
checks.
Doing all this work, looking for IT techs.
Privacy concerns, dark web computer hacks.
We needed someone good in here to clean up all our acts.

Oh, security freeze. Consumer rights’ summ’ries
It’s time to get things straight.
Modify those FCRA forms before it gets too late.
If you don’t, I don’t care.
I’ve got better things to do.
Like drug testing the new guys before they join this zoo.

Marijuana laws made hiring really tough.
Legalizing weed, yet testing every puff.
Toting guns to work, in cars in parking lots.
Our policies reflect this change, but I wish we’d hired bots.

Oh, what’s that smell? Bloody hell.
What have they done this time?
If it weren’t for open enrollment, I’d be cruising down
the Rhine.
Jingle bells. Schmingle bells.
Here’s where I belong.
But, oh, what fun it is to see a staff that gets along!

Vanessa L. Towarnicky is an Attorney at Steptoe & Johnson PLLC, and contributes to the West Virginia Employment Law Letter. She may be contacted at vanessa.towarnicky@steptoe-johnson.com.