By BLR Founder and CEO Bob Brady
BLR CEO Bob Brady is on vacation this week, so we’re offering one of his most popular columns that deals with a problem that most all HR managers face—negativity.
A reader recently wrote to ask how to deal with “negativity,” specifically, employees who can see only the dark side, people for whom the glass is always half empty. My first thought was, “Are you talking about me?”
Negativity is one of my bad natural tendencies. Left to my own devices, I often get myself in trouble by tossing off unintended, offhand comments that quash creativity and morale—sometimes across a large number of people, given my status as CEO. This is “negative leverage”—a very bad thing.
Jack Welch, former CEO of GE, speaks to this in his famous “4-E’s,” one of which is “energize.” A good employee energizes those around him, says Welch. Staff members who are consistently negative enervate (a much misused term that is actually the opposite of energize). This is true even of employees who are technically “good at their jobs.”
Dealing with my negative tendencies has been, shall we say, an “opportunity.” A first step was realizing how destructive they could be.
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A consultant, Bruce Clinton, from Business-wise.com, helped me. He used a little survey that asked team members to evaluate me on a number of characteristics. Then I self-evaluated using the same survey. By comparing my (laudatory) ratings against their (less so) opinions, the picture emerged.
When I first read the results, my first feeling was anger at my team’s disloyalty. Later, after a facilitator helped us get to specifics, the hurt was replaced by the realization that they weren’t the problem; I was.
It soon became clear that some of what they perceived as “negative,” I thought of as “positive”! I love to fix things, to improve them. Unfortunately, this desire to improve often gets manifested in a poor way. When a memo or a suggestion comes my way, the first impulse is to point out how to improve it. Unfortunately, the writer of the memo, who may have labored for hours over it, doesn’t find my “criticism” energizing. Just the opposite, in fact. It’s seen as a put-down.
So, my positive is perceived as a negative, and perception is reality.
Clinton was the consultant who gave us the “like/change/learn” formula that I’ve written about in this column before. It has been the cornerstone of our never-ending effort to reduce negativity.
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Starting with “What I Like”
In responding to an idea or a memo, we try to start with “what I like about it.” Then, “what I would change.” Finally, “what I think we should do.” The formula creates an energizing atmosphere because the praise at the beginning softens the blow, and “change” is different than “don’t like.” It puts responsibility on the would-be critic to be proactive and come up with some ideas. It is a good formula.
How do I deal with the negativity of others? I wish there were an easy way, but there seldom is. The hard fact is that it is difficult to change an adult’s behavior unless he or she wants to change. Unfortunately, most people don’t want to.
Rather than just throwing our hands up and admitting defeat, follow the model that helped me: First, get them to see that their negativity demoralizes. (They frequently don’t realize what power they wield.) Then, tell them about “like/change/learn” and ask them to use it.
Sometimes we make a little ceremony of it. (“Ok, that’s nice, now let’s go back and start over. Tell me, first, what you like about this.” “Now that we’re through with that, what would you change?”) This will work with some people; not with others. With the latter, my advice is simple:
If gentle hints don’t work, tell them flat-out that their negativity is a problem, and make sure that their evaluations record the evidence thereof. Even if their work product is otherwise satisfactory, their behavior is career-killing. Above all, don’t make excuses for them. Doing so just “enables” them to continue.
Wishing you a positively good week! Send your comments to me at Rbrady@blr.com
I agree with Bob Brady that saying “no” to negativity is like letting embers on a fire smolder till they spontaneously ignite again. I also agree that change is not easy, yet, I believe that most of us, given the right tools, do want to change for the better.
So what works? The 360 feedback tool mentioned is helpful as is the “like/change/learn” formula. I want to offer another perspective that may be helpful to those trapped in the “glass half empty” syndrome of negative responding.
I believe that when we take the time to look underneath our present work relationships and connect with our earliest relationship system -our family- we find pure gold.
In my consulting practice when I ask executives about their families, their childhoods, and their pasts, they say, “What does that have to do with my job?” The answer, surprisingly, is “Everything!” When you take a long hard look at negativity in the office you find there are interpersonal “knots” to be untied. These “knots” are self-limiting and self-fulfilling prophecies as in “am not, cannot, will not, have not, and not like me.” Once we can release these old, outmoded patterned ways of relating we can break free to new ways of responding.
Here is a hint: see if you had the role of “nay-sayer” in your family and think about how that gets activated at work. This is a first step in observing how the original behavior pattern from your family is continuing to reoccur in your present work organization.
We can transform our patterns and reap the benefits -invigorated relationships, career success, and deep personal happiness – all by coming to terms with our past, finding our once hidden patterns, and choosing to change them.
What a brave step you’ve taken to admit that your performance review was not stellar. Even more to your credit, you admitted (to yourself and the world) that you needed to do some work on you! Not many leaders will do this; I commend you.
We all would do well to admit to ourselves that we are human and prone to do human things.