In their new book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves suggest 58% of performance is due to EQ, and they show you how to make it work.
Bradberry and Greaves are co-founders of TalentSmart®, a leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training. Here are some of their recommendations for putting emotional intelligence into practice.
Self-Awareness
The first step in developing and using EQ is self-awareness. Here are a few of Bradberry and Greaves’ suggestions for developing self-awareness.
Don’t be fooled by a bad mood …
The tricky thing about your brain is that when a negative mood takes over, you lose sight of what’s good in your life, and suddenly you hate your job, you’re frustrated with your family and friends, dissatisfied with your accomplishments, and your optimism about the future goes out the window.
Part of self-awareness is recognizing these times and reminding yourself that they are not permanent. And remember, when you’re in a bad mood, that’s not a good time to make important decisions, the writers say.
… Or a good mood, either
Of course, a good mood can have similar consequences, says Emotional Intelligence 2.0. When you’re feeling excited and really happy, it’s easy to do something that you’ll regret. It’s easy to make impulsive decisions while ignoring the potential consequences.
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Know who and what pushes your buttons
We all have buttons—pet peeves, triggers—that, when pushed, just irritate and irk us until we want to scream. You need to pinpoint the specific people and situations that trigger your emotions, say Bradberry and Greaves. It could be certain co-workers (like drama queens), particular situations (like feeling scared or caught off-guard), or conditions in the environment (like noisy offices).
Once you know what your triggers are, you can develop ways of coping with them.
Self-Management Strategies
After you have developed some self-awareness, according to Emotional Intelligence 2.0, the next step is self-management.
Accept that change is just around the corner
You can’t foresee every change and every obstacle that life throws in your path, but you can prepare for change. The first step is to admit that even the most stable, trusted facets of your life are not completely under your control.
If you understand this, you prevent yourself from getting bogged down by strong emotions like shock, surprise, fear, and disappointment when changes actually happen.
Bradberry and Greaves suggest you set aside a small amount of time every week or every other week to create a list of changes that could possibly happen. Note actions you could take if the change occurs, and note things you could be doing now to prepare for change.
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Take control of self-talk
There are too many thoughts in a day (some research suggests 50,000) to track, but you can track the cases in which you "talk to your self." And then, says Emotional Intelligence 2.0, you can control negative self-talk and avoid the negative emotional spiral. How do you do that?
- Turn "I always" or "I never" into "just this time" or "sometimes."
- Replace such judgmental statements as "I’m an idiot" with factual ones such as "I made a mistake."
- Accept responsibility for your actions and no one else’s.
Relationship Management Strategies
Self-awareness and self management lead to the ability to manage relationships, Bradberry and Greaves say.
Be open and curious
Be open about yourself and curious about others, but not judgmental (e.g., "Why on earth did you do that?").
Take feedback well
Feedback is a gift that can help us to improve in ways that we might not see on our own. But it can be tough to handle. Listen, ask questions to clarify, and ask for examples. Thank the source of the feedback whether or not you agree with it—it takes almost as much grace to give feedback as it does to receive it.
In tomorrow’s Advisor, we’ll look at the "social awareness" aspects of EQ, and we’ll take a look at a special opportunity for developing your HR IQ.
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