Remembering the Gifts My Father Gave Me

This past Sunday was Father’s Day. Not surprisingly, it got me thinking about my dad. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do on Father’s Day?

My dad, coincidentally, passed away almost 17 years ago to the day. So mid-June is a time when I tend to have him on my mind more than others.

He was an interesting man. To describe him as meticulous would be an understatement. Perfectionist probably comes closer, yet somehow might fall short as well.

But despite the fact that my father was not a businessman — he was a minister — I learned a lot from him that has served me very well in business.

My father was consistent, if nothing else. From as early as I can remember, Saturdays were reserved for yard work. My dad took painstaking care of our yard. The local “Yard of the Month” sign found its way into our front yard with some regularity. His constant care and feeding of our lawn, coupled with his attention to detail, made our yard the envy of our neighbors. Every Saturday, he had his routine and we kids were part of it, but the results spoke for themselves.

My father was also very punctual and he expected others to be as well. Saturday yard work always began at 8:00 a.m. That was the hour he thought it was acceptable to fire up the lawn mower, potentially waking any oversleeping neighbors. The fact that he had been up for three hours at that point was not lost on me. He thought he was demonstrating patience by waiting until 8:00 a.m.  (You’ll note that patience won’t be on my list of things I learned from my father.)

My father and I had more than one disagreement about the 8:00 Saturday start time. Through my teenage years, I would frequently remind him that the lawn would still be there at noon when I was actually ready to get up. It’s an argument that I never remember winning.

Living with my father also demonstrated to me the value of attention to detail. Given his profession, we never had a lot of money. I’m not claiming we were poor or that I had to walk to school uphill both ways in the snow, but we didn’t have a lot so what we did have we took care of.  My father taught me that.

He was incredibly meticulous when it came to maintaining his cars. He taught me how to change the oil, spark plugs, points, and condenser. He also kept his cars perfectly clean inside and out. I can remember vacuuming the inside of his 1964 Olds Eighty-Eight, which was midnight blue. When I was done, he pointed out the pieces of lint I had missed and that showed in great contrast to the dark carpet. Any job worth doing is worth doing right!

My dad also had his own moral compass. Some of my formative years were spent in a rural farming community in Iowa. Being a pastor’s kid in a town of 1,200 people tended to put one under a bit of a microscope. To his credit, my father never prevented me from doing things because of what others might think. He had his own set of standards and I was expected to live up to those. What others thought was never really important to him at all. Of course, his standards were pretty high. But I give him credit for never once forbidding me to do something based on what others might think.

My father also had very high expectations, especially for the members of his family. He expected us to work hard at our studies and have good grades. He expected us to excel at the things we pursued. It wasn’t until he died that I learned his expectations for his wife and kids were far greater than those he had for others. At his funeral, I heard repeatedly about his kindness, generosity, and giving nature. Not once did I hear about his high expectations for others. He held us to a different standard, and each of us was better off because of it.

The final thing that I learned from my father that has served me well is the ability not to worry about things I cannot control. My dad had a certain degree of confidence. That, coupled with his faith, caused him not to worry much. Things will turn out the way they are intended to turn out. You do your part applying the other attributes above and then what’s going to happen is going to happen. Manage the things you can control and don’t worry about those you can’t.

My father never spent a single day working at or managing a company, yet I learned a lot from him that has served me very well in my professional career. The traits that had helped him be successful at what he did provided me with a fantastic example that I could emulate. He didn’t live long enough to see how those things he instilled in me would pay off, but I’m aware of the gifts he gave me.