Office romances are one of the biggest legal risks managers can take, says attorney Jonathan Segal. Even when relationships appear to be totally consensual, they’re dangerous from a legal standpoint.
Segal, who is one of SHRM’s most popular speakers, is a partner in the Philadelphia office of law firm Duane Morris LLP. His remarks came at the SHRM Annual Conference and Exhibition, held recently in Las Vegas.
Segal poses a number of situations and shows how they can be problematic, even though they appear to be benign.
Office Romance Hypotheticals
Example 1. A supervisor and subordinate fall in love, and live happily ever after. No harassment there, says Segal. (Although there could be third party concerns if other coworkers believe that the in-love subordinate is getting special treatment.)
Example 2. The supervisor asks the subordinate out, the subordinate says no, and the supervisor says, That’s cool, and the two work together synergistically and effectively and stay friends ever after. No harassment there.
“But now let’s leave fiction,” Segal says.
Yes, you do have the budget and time to train managers and supervisors with BLR’s® 10-Minute HR Trainer. Try it at no cost or risk. Get details.
Example 3. In the real world, when a supervisor asks a subordinate out and the subordinate says, “No” the supervisor says, “Oh, come on, the way you look at me, let’s go out.” Is there a problem now? Segal asks. Yes, because “No means No.”
The issue here is authority. The subordinate is concerned about the authority the supervisor has over him or her. The subordinate knows that the supervisor determines his or her economic destiny.
Here’s what actually happens, says Segal.
Example 4. The supervisor asks the subordinate out. The subordinate thinks, “You repulse me. I’d rather swing from a meathook with pins in my eyes.” But the subordinate says, “I’m busy.”
The supervisor hears, “She wants me. She wants to go out, it’s just that she has other plans.” So the supervisor asks again. The subordinate is still busy.
Eventually (we hope) the supervisor figures it out. But the damage is done. The next time something adverse happens to the subordinate, he or she can claim, “It’s retaliation for not going out with my supervisor.”
Example #5. The supervisor asks a subordinate out on a date, the subordinate says no, and the supervisor never asks again.
There’s no problem, says Segal … until:
- The subordinate doesn’t get a raise
- The subordinate is fired
- The subordinate is demoted
Whatever reasoning is advanced for the adverse action, the subordinate may claim that “The real reason was because I said no to the request for a date. It’s quid pro quo harassment.”
Train your line managers with BLR’s 10-Minute HR Trainer. There won’t be time for classroom boredom. Try it for free.
Example #6. The supervisor asks a subordinate for a date. The subordinate says yes, they fall in love and they know it will last forever. Any problem?
No, until it falls apart and they hate each other’s guts, Segal says. But say they do stay in love. There’s still the potential for a hostile environment claim if the behavior creates an uncomfortable environment.
Bottom line, says Segal, when a supervisor asks a subordinate for date, there’s a risk. Just by asking, you’re giving the subordinate a club that he or she may later use against you.
To avoid legal troubles, says Segal, at a bare mimimum:
- Educate managers on risks they take by attempting to date or dating.
- Develop some sort of reporting procedure—if you wish to date, talk to HR.
- Hope they get married. Once the couple goes down the aisle, the risks are a lot lower. It’s hard to claim unwelcome after you’re married.
- Develop a conflict of interest policy. Officers who have direct or indirect influence can’t date or attempt to date someone on their organization chart.
What you don’t want to do is do nothing, says Segal. To greenlight workplace dating is to expose your organization to substantial risk.
In tomorrow’s Advisor, three women and a man discuss sex, plus an introduction to a unique 10-minutes-at-a-time training system.
I’ve got an issue…a manager is homosexual – so he says. He’s divorced, has one child – ex has custody. He complained vehemently about a female subordinate. Result: the subordinate took a down grade. With the downgrade she’s doing nearly the same job with few changes and he reports she’s doing a great job.
The office resumed, everything working well until 6-months ago. Back during the issue, I casually spoke with this manager who reported the issue was resolved just in time for him and his life partner to get married if they could.
okay – moving on…
About a month ago he was reported to EEO by a young female subordinate for sexual harassment. His complaints about this female’s performance are nearly identical to the other female he complained about. The differences I see between the two females are age, maturity, experience and assertiveness.
My opinion: My manager is the problem…
Your opinion please…
I think the whole office “romance” is an extremely seductive fantasy if only because it creates the illusion of “safety” for the subordinate and that of “dominance” for the employer/supervisor. As the article points out though, ultimately it’s negotiation (or trying to negotiate) of an already complex relationships between co-workers and trying to create some sort of psychological cushion to cope with the stress and uncertainty of work. It can be a very poorly calculated risk, not worth the trail of blood left behind.
Great article and even better advice. Unfortunately, since we spend a great deal of time in the workplace, relationships are formed, and sometimes these relationships go beyond a working relationship. If only it was as easy to follow these guidelines and advice as it is to communicate them. But then again, if everyone followed good advice and guidelines, we would need fewer HR professionals and attorneys.
Thanks a lot for an interesting article which is somehow reflecting my current situation now. However the situation is that I myself – in a position of subordinate, was the one to make the first move. The feeling of being in love with my supervisor was built up from time to time since we both understood that we get along with eachother quite well, we have a very fruitful cooperation in the last two years, I like the way he is and so he does.
One day, when he was nominated to another post meaning that he was no longer my direct supervisor, but only co-worker. I started to share all the feeling with him in a romantic afternoon when we visited a nice place together.
With his wisdom and awareness, he said he appreciated my confidence, my love towards him but he could foreseen a big risk so decided not to go further. His proposal was to remain a good working relationship, a good friendship as we had before. I felt very paintful even though I know that was reallity i have to accept. However, as we meet eachother every single day, I was somehow unable to control my emotion.
And What comes, it will come, on a very emotional moment, he got me tightly in his arms and this first hug made me confusing about his signal as my interpretation was he would also want something.
To clear my mind and to dream about the second hug, I once more made the move by asking him to give me another hug. His refusal really hurt me and now I very regret with what I did-asking him such an offer. I know I am a fool drunker who was extremely crazy and did a very stupid thing to make him very annoying. And the atmosphere was really in a tension.
Your timely advices are highly appreciated in this moment with the hope that I can soon find the way out:-( as my current job is quite competitive while he will be only ending his posting in summer 2013