Putting the “me” in team

There is no “I” in team, but there is a “me.” How many times have you heard someone utter that phrase tongue-in-cheek? I’m sure it has been at least a time or two.

Now think for a moment, have you ever worked with someone who really does put the “me” in team? My guess is that one or two people come to mind. I know I have worked with one or two and it’s not a lot of fun.

If you’re having a hard time picturing someone who fits the bill as a “me” person, here are a few ways you can spot them:

1. They think about themselves first and everyone else second. For them, it’s all about “me.” What they want and need comes above all else.
2. They’re convinced they have all the answers and tolerate, just barely, input from others. Not that they would ever accept that input as valuable and something to act on.
3. They’re quick to grab credit and slow to accept blame. It’s interesting how they never listen to anyone else (see No. 2 above) yet when things go wrong, they can always find someone to blame.
4. They openly show disdain for other members of the team, which results in a breakdown in the team dynamic and erodes the mutual respect necessary for a group to work together productively.

Now do you know who I’m talking about in your organization? So, as a manager, what do you do about a “me” person on your team? I must admit they aren’t easy to deal with. Often they’re very talented people who don’t play well with others. So how do you handle them? Here are two methods, each has proven effective in different situations:

Talk with the “me” person to make sure he understands his behavior’s effect on the team. You might be surprised to learn he has no idea the effect he is having on those around him. At least, that’s what he’ll tell you. It will be up to you to determine whether you’re being played. It might just be that he is so self-absorbed he’s oblivious to how others feel about him. I’ve seen it happen.

Beware, this method will take time to change the behavior. The perpetrator might not completely believe you the first time you bring it, even if you provide numerous examples. Remember, you’re dealing with someone who typically has a pretty big ego. He won’t be easily deterred.

But consistent reminders and progressive discipline can pay off. It takes time, consistency, and perseverance. The problem is that quite often a change can’t happen fast enough for the rest of the team. They want immediate results and it just doesn’t happen that way. The team will question your method and push for more dramatic steps. That doesn’t mean the approach is wrong, but it isn’t a quick fix.

Fight fire with fire. Sometimes when dealing with a bully you need to push back. Remember the big kid on the playground who pushed around all the other kids because they were smaller, until one kid got up the courage to punch the bully in the nose? Suddenly, the bully isn’t so tough any more. While I’m not encouraging you to punch the bully in the nose, I am suggesting you encourage the rest of the team to push back — hard — on the “me” person (with your support). It can have the same effect as a punch in the nose.

Let the team confront him publicly the next time he misbehaves. They can tell him how his behavior is detracting from the team and he might just be humbled enough to get the message. If the team participates collectively, it can have a dramatic and immediate effect. When the entire group is acting in unison, the “me” person can’t claim it’s only one or two disgruntled coworkers who are pointing fingers at him. And if he sees you’re supporting what they’re communicating, he won’t have a place to hide.

Of course, you must make sure the team doesn’t take on a mob mentality when they confront the problem. It must be direct, but professional. It’s not easy for someone to get called on the carpet by his coworkers — even someone who has a big ego. But this method can get fast and dramatic results if the rest of the team is ready to stand up for themselves.

If these methods don’t work, you’re going to have a tough call to make. Do you get rid of one of your strongest team members, because he doesn’t play well with others? Do the contributions he makes outweigh the negative effect he has on those around him? You owe it to him to try to figure out how to help him see the error of his ways, but you also need to consider what is ultimately best for the organization. It’s not an easy call to make.