The NFL draft is fast approaching, and with it comes the multiple prognostications and mock drafts that try to divine which teams will try to link up with the which talent coming out of the college ranks.
Each team will compile exhaustive profiles on which player prospects fit their urgent needs.
Fans will hang on the edge of their seats to see whether their team will pick a superstar or a dud.
Eagles and Jets fans will find a reason to be unhappy.
My beloved Chiefs will try one more time to draft a franchise quarterback.
And at the end of the day, it all seems like a crapshoot.
In a sense, it is a crapshoot. Like any hire, the draft evaluation can’t tell you how well a player is going to adjust to life as a professional, how well he’s going to pick up the more complicated schemes, or whether stolen selfies of the prospect smoking marijuana with a bong fashioned from a gas mask will suddenly make the rounds on social media (yes, that has happened).
Every draft produces busts, just like every hire has the potential to be a dud. In honor of the season, I’ve categorized some football busts and compared them to some bad hires you may make:
- The Stat Stuffer: The typical stat stuffer is a quarterback who played in a high-octane college offense, ran up incredible passing numbers, and is just too tempting to pass up on draft day. Later, the team realizes this guy never took a snap under center, never ran a huddle, and his coach fed him plays on coded cue cards featuring various Looney Tunes characters. Similarly, you may hire a “great” salesperson only to learn later that his previous job involved selling modular homes following a hurricane–and he hasn’t seemed to translate that success to HRIS software.
- The Greek God: The Greek God is the player with the physique that’s too good to be true–because it is. Alas, players still fall prey to the siren song of PEDs, so the monstrous lineman you think you’re getting may be more of a liability without the chemical assist. Likewise, you might find yourself with a prospect whose resume is just too good to be true–better be checking to make sure that hire doesn’t blow up in your face.
- The Peacock: Wide receivers are notorious divas. They all want the ball (and who can blame them–they need the ball to prove their worth), but on the flip side they can take on a very surly attitude when they’re not getting the ball. Diva receivers have upended many a locker room with their sense of entitlement. Take a lesson in your own business and beware the high-maintenance talent.
Feel free to suggest others in the comments.
