How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior

Taylor is the author of newly published Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior. Here are some of her suggestions:

The Bragging Boss

Got a boss who’s always bragging? To survive the braggadocio, here are Taylor’s ideas. (In fact, she says, these might be the best ideas ever—and that’s real bragging!)

Bragging is generally more of a nuisance than a threat. When TOTs brag, it’s often because they need validation from others to feel convinced of their own abilities.

Competitive braggers often don’t recognize the destructive impact of their comparisons and putdowns. To redirect boastful bosses, help them to recognize how they hurt people when they elevate themselves above them.

Hold up a mirror to your TOT, says Taylor. Next time another manager is bragging, say "Gosh, you’d think that she’d know that the top brass hates bragging. That’s too bad."

The Bullying Boss

The good boss, says Taylor, will say, "I’d like you to work on improving the accuracy of your reports. Proofread everything and remember to use spell-check."

The bullying boss says, "If you don’t start writing more accurate reports, we’re going to move your desk next to the freight elevator—that way, it’ll be easy to dump your stuff out in the parking lot."

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Taylor offers the example of a boss who is angrily shouting, "Why isn’t this job done?" Quell anger first by acknowledging or validating what the TOT is saying, Taylor suggests. Mirror back what the boss wants:  "You need this work done by closing today." Then say what you can reasonably accomplish: "I’ll have it done by 3 so it will definitely be done by the end of the day."

Then make a constructive suggestion: "Could we set deadlines together on the next project in advance? Then I can be sure to deliver the goods when you need them."

The Ignoring Boss

Then there’s the opposite of the demanding and bullying boss—the boss who totally ignores you, call after call, e-mail after e-mail.

To deal with this, Taylor suggests the following:

Schedule regular meetings. They’re hard to ignore.

Level with the boss. "It’s difficult for me when you don’t respond to my calls or e-mails."

Repackage your ideas. Instead of sending long "urgent" e-mails, use a concise, lively format with lots of white space and bullets.

Do some detective work. Ask co-workers, “Is something going on with the boss?” If everyone’s having the same trouble, says Taylor, it might be time to talk to HR—or extend your detective work to finding a new job.

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The Stubborn Boss

Say you’re tasked with running an upcoming conference. You’re expected to boost attendance, but the boss rejects every suggestion.

Obstinate behavior like this usually means bosses are fearful, Taylor says. They want the "safe" path of no change. Or, for some stubborn bosses, it’s more pride—real managers don’t "cave."

What to do?

Use positive language. "Thanks for doing such a great job of preparing me for the meeting."

Keep things a little open-ended. For example, if asking to leave early, and that simple request usually generates a "No," try this: "I got in really early this morning and I’ve finished working on the Pratt report. Thanks for all your guidance on it. It would be so helpful if I could leave a bit early—my eyes are a little crossed. How does 4:30 sound?"

Think about how to turn a proposal into something the boss wants. Say, for example, you’re worried that your boss will nix a client appreciation party. Mock up a menu containing the boss’s favorite foods, or propose having the party at his or her favorite restaurant.

Make the idea the boss’s. Don’t just ask for a temp, say, "You know, I’ve been thinking about your idea of getting some extra help for big projects. It’s an awesome suggestion. I’d like to pursue it."

Give the boss choices. Instead of asking if the meeting can end early, ask "Should we end the meeting at 4 or 4:30 today?" Your TOT will feel immense decision-making power, so he or she won’t have to assert it by saying no.

In tomorrow’s Advisor, we’ll feature more tips on taming TOTs, and we’ll take a look at an indispensible source of prewritten job descriptions.

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