How do you make people feel?

by Dan Oswald

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
—Maya Angelou

On Saturday, the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers football team held its annual Red-White Spring Game. With time for just one final play, Jack Hoffman walked onto the field. Like the rest of the players, he was dressed in a Cornhuskers jersey (#22) and had a Nebraska helmet on his head. On a fourth-and-two play, the ball was snapped, and the quarterback handed Jack the ball. On that final play, Jack ran 69 yards for a touchdown and was carried off the field by a throng of Husker players.

You might be wondering what was so special about that play. You may be thinking it was just a spring game and Jack’s touchdown really didn’t mean anything—it was scored against his own team. And that’s where you would be wrong. You see, Jack Hoffman is a seven-year-old boy who is battling brain cancer. Can you imagine how he, a huge Nebraska fan, felt at that moment when he scored the touchdown and was swept up by a group of players he reveres? I bet he never forgets how they made him feel.

It was a wonderful thing the Nebraska football team did for that young boy—a simple gesture but one he will never forget. It’s also a great lesson for all of us. The things we do and say have an impact on others because of the way we make them feel. Never underestimate the effect your actions have on others.

Companies are social places where people interact on a daily basis. We all have countless opportunities each day to affect the lives of others. Is the effect you have on others positive or negative? How do you make others feel?

It’s easy to get caught up in our work and forget how our words and actions might make others feel. Think for a moment. Can you recall something you said to a coworker that may have left her feeling angry or embarrassed? Criticizing others’ work product or questioning their judgment publicly can result in hard feelings.

I’m not saying that providing criticism of someone’s work—if you’re in a position in which you’re expected to give feedback—is wrong. It’s in the “how” and “where” that you can run into problems. If you react out of frustration and publicly question a person’s work, you’re making a mistake. The “how” and the “where” are wrong. Criticism shouldn’t be made when you’re angry, and it should be done privately. Waiting until you’re calm and can coach someone behind closed doors allows him to hear the criticism without feeling embarrassed. It doesn’t always mean he is going to like what you have to say, but you have demonstrated enough respect for the person to have had the conversation in private.

On the other hand, praise is something that should be spontaneous and public. Who doesn’t want to hear she has done a great job? And who doesn’t like to have her peers hear that her work is being recognized? It’s the exact opposite of criticism. When you have something good to say, shout it from the rooftops. People will remember how it made them feel when they were recognized for their work.

Jack Hoffman had an extraordinary experience on Saturday. I can only imagine how he felt as he was being carried off the field by the Nebraska football players. Here he was with an entire team of players he idolized who were now looking up to him as he triumphantly left the field. You have the ability to give the people you work with a special moment like that every day. It takes a little thought and effort, but it can really make a difference in the way someone feels. Just ask Jack Hoffman.