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I like the way Trevor thinks! He thinks big. His goal is ambitious. He wants to change the world and make it a better place. And in a world obsessed with self-interest, he is thinking about others instead of “What’s in it for me?”
What if Trevor’s plan led to a world in which people didn’t wait until someone did them a favor before they “paid it forward,” but instead looked for ways they could help others? What if we all actively looked for a way to help others in big and small ways? It might be something simple like holding a door open for someone, or helping a mother who has her hands full with young children get her groceries into the trunk. It might be something big like raising enough money to grant the wish of cancer patient or paying a year’s tuition for a college student who just lost a parent.
It’s great to repay others for a kindness that is paid to us, but we don’t have to wait to benefit from a good deed before we do something for someone else.
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What if we took it one step farther? What if we started to repay things that we currently see as misdeeds with good deeds? When someone cuts in front of you in traffic, instead of blasting the horn and flashing the finger, give him the benefit of the doubt, a smile, and a friendly wave. Maybe he is rushing to get to a game to see his child play or even to the hospital to visit a sick friend. Who knows? When someone speaks to you rudely, instead of firing back with your own nastiness, just assume she is having a bad day or has some other issue that’s causing her to act that way. Give her the benefit of the doubt and a smile. It’s not that big of a deal, but imagine what a difference it would make—for both of you.
So often we allow other people’s actions to become our problem. We feel slighted or offended, and we get angry. That anger eats away at us as we dream up ways to get payback. Our desire for revenge, our obsession with what others have done to us, becomes a poison that hurts us, not them. Life’s too short to spend your time angry and hating.
Am I naïve enough to believe there aren’t bad people in the world? No. Am I naive enough to believe that bad things don’t happen to all of us? No. But by holding on to those wrongs, by continually dwelling on what has been done to us, we give the people who have harmed us more power. Their actions don’t hurt us once—they continue to do damage because of our unwillingness to let them go.
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My wife’s a big believer in karma. What comes around goes around. If she’s right, then all those people who treat others poorly or as less than themselves will get what’s coming to them. What I know is that there’s a lot more satisfaction and joy in knowing you’re treating others the way we all deserve to be treated than there is in walking around with a chip on your shoulder and trying to make sure people pay for their misdeeds.
In another movie, Hook, which is an adaptation of the Peter Pan story, little Maggie tells Captain Hook, “You’re a very bad man who needs a mommy!” There are Captain Hooks in this world, but we don’t have to allow them to pull us down to their level. Instead, I’d like to think we can respond like young Trevor would like us to respond. We can take on the good deeds that others do for us and pay them forward, making the world a truly better place.
Goodness is about character—integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people.
—Dennis Prager