When I was 12 years old, my family moved from Milwaukee to a small town in Iowa. How small? Well, we didn’t have a McDonald’s or even a single traffic light. On our first day in town, my brother, who was and continues to be a year younger than I, walked four blocks with me to the small grocery store that sat on Main Street. Our mother had sent us down to pick up a few items to feed the team of movers who were diligently unloading our belongings.
While in the store, we were approached by a very kind woman who happened to know exactly who we were. “You must be the new pastor’s sons,” she said. “I work up at the school. Why don’t you let me take you up there and show you around?” My brother and I quickly—and hopefully politely—countered that we had to get back home with the groceries for our mother.
But what we were thinking was, “We’re not a couple of bumpkins who just fell off the turnip truck. We’re city boys, and we’re smart enough to know you don’t hop in a car with a stranger.” All thought but not said, of course. We didn’t trust. In fact, we were astonished that an adult would even suggest such a thing.
What we would learn is that life in a small town is often built on trust. During the next six years I lived in that town before heading off to college, my parents never locked the doors to the house, and residents routinely left the keys in their cars when they frequented one of the local shops on Main. If they were just dashing in to grab something quick or if it was extremely cold, as Iowa can get, they might have even left the car running. The people that lived there trusted one another.
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
—George MacDonald
When I got married and moved to the town where my wife had grown up, I learned about trust all over again. I immediately gained the trust of the community, not because of what I had done but because my wife’s family had lived there for three generations. The logic was that if I was part of the family, I could be trusted.
I quickly learned that I could drop by the hardware store on a Saturday morning and pick up a gallon of paint and a couple of brushes or anything else I might need just by signing my name. The owner of the hardware store trusted that I would pay my bill at the end of the month. The same was true at most of the establishments in town, including the local bank, where I could pick up the phone and talk to the bank’s president about getting a car loan. It wasn’t about a credit check or collateral, it was about a relationship and trust.
The best way you can find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
—Ernest Hemingway
When my first son was born, we were living in my wife’s hometown. We brought our son home on a Friday, and over the weekend, we ran out of some critical items necessary for my wife’s care. The local pharmacy was closed on Sundays, and to get what we needed, we would have had to drive about 30 miles. Instead, we picked up the phone and called the pharmacist at home. His wife said he had gone fishing for the day, but when we explained our dilemma, she instructed us to meet her down at the pharmacy so she could get us what we needed. I can still remember offering to pay her for the items we had picked up. Her response: “Oh, I don’t need you to pay me now. I’ve written everything down here next to the cash register. Just come back in when you can and settle up.” Not only did this woman understand the importance of the customer, but she also extended me the courtesy of trust.
We’re paying the highest tribute you can pay a man. We trust him to do right. It’s that simple.
—Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
I’ve grown accustomed to living in metropolitan areas with all the amenities they bring, including the McDonald’s that was missing from that little town in Iowa. But I still miss the way people are treated and business is conducted in a small town. I long for the days when people assumed you could be trusted until you proved otherwise. I miss the days when your name and reputation were enough to gain you the trust of others. And I certainly miss the way people conduct business in a small town—where trust and relationships rule the day. I think we far too often overlook the importance of trust in any relationship, including business and consumer. We could all learn a lesson from the pharmacist’s wife.
Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.
―Stephen R. Covey
Nice article, Dan. Growing up in a small town usually meant that you knew all your neighbors and people looked out for each other. That was a good thing!
A kid in a small town can also TRUST that if you did something wrong, your folks would know it by the time you got home!
I grew up in a small town, and moving from the country to the city (St. Petersburg, FL) taught me about trust. I do not trust too easily any more. Every time I have let my guard down I have been burned. Although not everyone is dishonest, they need to prove to me I can trust them.
Simple and very meaningful, Dan. Too many wise men share their thoughts on the web but articles like this stand out by having a strong message through succint but very powerful stories!
thank you for this article. We HAD this situation at work and now with our new boss,who did accept the former Boss attitude and opinions, TRUST is being given and what a change to come into work now. It was very telling on the previous director.
Dan, Very well stated! I grew up in a small town and when I grew up and settled in a large town at the time it was Old Saybrook, CT. Changes there were a shock to my way of life but neighbors still knew neighbors. I had the pharmacist who met us after hours and on weekends to meet my health needs and remember him to this day as well as his entire family as well. My thought of large was to change two years ago when I relocated to Nashville, this is a huge change from Old Saybrook as you can image.
I grew up in a small town and I experienced similar. The neighbors were there for you. I would go into the one store for my dad, get something, and just tell them I was Dar’s boy and they would put in on the account. Later on I went to college and my car broke down. I had been paying with a check so I was surpries when I went into the dealership to pay and they would not accept my check because the repair was so great. I turned around and called up the banker back in my home town, said I was Dar’s boy and could he send me the money. He did and said please send him a letter to support it for the bank examiners. That trust did get me in trouble once in a large city and I got taken for a ride of about 10 miles between cities by some pranksters but luckily I did not get hurt. I learned to be more careful in larger cities after that.
Like many others, I also was raised in a small town where I was raised by my grandmother. For me, Farmington, Utah was Norman Rockwell at its finest. Amusement parks, baseball gloves, and the backdrop of the Wasatch Mountains. I realized early on that this community was an extension of my family of sorts: tell me the name, and I could find the house, no address required. Such places were built on faith and trust; money could only take you so far. No fate perhaps could be worse in such a community than to be found untrustworthy.
Dan, excellent article. I did not grow up in a small town but in seems to me that trust in business relationship is definitely not what it was ten years ago.
Just happened to find this article while fooling around on the computer. Nice job and I can relate so well. I will be reading this more often.