In yesterday’s Advisor, attorney Jonathan Segal illuminated the risks in office romances; today, three women and a man discuss sex in the office, plus we learn about a unique 10-minutes-at-a-time training system.
Harassment is a diversity issue, says Segal, who is a partner in the Philadelphia office of law firm Duane Morris LLP, because our reactions differ because our experiences differ based on whether we are a man or a woman.
Speaking at the SHRM Annual Conference and Exhibition, held recently in Las Vegas, Segal offered several examples:
Three Men and a Woman Discuss Sex
Situation 1: Three men and a woman are sitting at the break room table. The three men are discussing in excruciating detail what they like to do sexually with a woman. Addressing his audience of HR managers, Segal asks “Women only, probably, not absolutely, how do you think that woman feels?”
Overwhelmingly, the women in the audience answer, “Uncomfortable.”
Situation 2: Say it’s the reverse, says Segal. Three women and a man are sitting at a table in the break room. The three women are discussing in excruciating detail what they like to do sexually with a man.
Segal asks, men only, probably, not absolutely, how do you think that man feels? The general answer is “Excited” or “Where’s the table?” In your head, says Segal, you know that both discussions are inappropriate, but in your gut, there can be differences in reaction between men and woman.
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Situation 3. Men, says Segal, don’t you hate it when you are presenting a great idea that you’re very proud of, and the person you’re pitching it to is staring at your breasts instead of your eyes? And, men, when you leave work and it’s dark, don’t you sometimes have that fear of rape?
The point, says Segal is that our experiences and reactions to situations are different. And one of the common mistakes men make in trying to determine whether something is inappropriate, is to ask themselves, “If the shoe were on the other foot, if a woman were doing this to me, how would I feel?” And then, says Segal, if you think, it wouldn’t bother me at all, then you assume it’s OK.
But that’s not the right question says Segal. Don’t ask whether it would bother you, think of a woman you respect—your mother, your daughter, a friend—and ask what her reaction would be.
Actually, there’s an easier way, says Segal: “If have to ask the question, you already have the answer.”
Situation 4. Go back to the break room, says Segal. Say there are just three men having the discussion. OK? There could be same sex harassment.
What if it’s two men behind closed doors who have signed consent forms?
Any problems? They could be overheard. (“Secondhand smut,” says Segal.)
Say the doors and the room are soundproof?
Not sure whether there’s a problem? Let me help you get away from “I’m not sure,” Segal says.
You walk into the conference room and you see two people having sex. Would you ask “Is this consensual? Is it welcome?” If it is, would you go ahead and say
“Enjoy yourselves?”
Or, would you say, whether or not this is consensual: “This is inappropriate, unprofessional, and unacceptable.”
Bottom line, you have to train your managers. Unfortunately, important as harassment training is, it’s only one of what, 20 things you need to train managers and supervisors on?
Training is critical, but it’s tough to fit it in. To train effectively, you need a program that’s easy for you to deliver and that requires little time from busy schedules. Also, if you’re like most companies in these tight budget days, you need a program that’s reasonable in cost.
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Trains in 50 key HR topics under all major employment laws, including manager and supervisor responsibilities, and how to legally carry out managerial actions from hiring to termination. (See a complete list of topics below.)
Uses the same teaching sequence master teachers use. Every training unit includes an overview, bullet points on key lessons, a quiz, and a handout to reinforce the lesson later.
Completely prewritten and self-contained. Each unit comes as a set of reproducible documents. Just make copies or turn them into overheads, and you’re done. (Take a look at a sample lesson below.)
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I agree with Segal concerning this being a diversity issue, but not just from a male/ female perspective. I find that harassment can deal with more issues that being sexually offended. For instance, having your point of view dismissed because you are not the “right” color, sex, or age. In a business setting, this can be extremely harmful. I also see it done by those who are in protected groups who take license when they feel slighted to disregard the dignity of others. Granted, sometimes it is a momentary loss of emotional self control which could easily be reconciled with an apology, but there seems to be far less apologies and even less assertive behavior in the workplace today. Rather than standing up for our individual dignities and helping others to learn and grow from our perspective, we have become a society that has to be right and is therefore justified to do or say the most hurtful, thoughtless things without remorse. Society now reflects our politics with no middle ground and a sense of self righteousness. The only way to truly combat this is to re-affirm that our personal dignity is tied to the dignity we affirm in others.