In yesterday’s Advisor, we got the first four “don’ts” that can ruin relationships at work. Today, we look at the last six pitfalls that must be avoided so that employees can develop and maintain healthy professional relationships.
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To recap: Difficult workplace relationships are far more than a nuisance, because they can cause anxiety, burnout, clinical depression, and even physical illness. What’s more, highly toxic workplace affiliations can undermine your professional success and threaten your livelihood at large.
While it’s so very easy to blame the other person in a distressed relationship, it’s far more effective to consider and assess the situation objectively and build your Relational IQ. Relational IQ is the mindset that helps us to better understand and control our professional relationships to maximize happiness and realize life-changing success.
To help kick-start your Relational IQ so that you can better navigate, and begin to master, your own professional affiliations, here are the last six pitfalls to avoid (see yesterday’s Advisor for the first four) when seeking to develop and manage positive business relationships that will result in greater success and overall enjoyment in the work environment:
6. Don’t be a “taker.” All relationships involve give-and-take, so it is important to recognize when each relationship could use more of a giving spirit. When we think about what we can do for others instead of what they can do for us, we get to the very heart of healthy, successful interactions. In a strong relationship, both people willingly give far more than they take.
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7. Don’t stay in an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes we make a poor choice and enter into relationships that will never be healthy no matter what actions are taken. Part of Relational IQ is knowing when and how to end a toxic relationship. If someone is not able to accept a change in the status or direction, is not loyal and stable under pressure or in the face of challenge, or had once been dependable but now is unreliable, these are strong clues that the relationship may not be worth saving. Whether it is a customer or client, a colleague, or your workplace, don’t let feelings of misplaced guilt or sympathy get in the way of making good personal choices.
8. Don’t lose personal power. There are situations in the work environment where healthy relationships with unhealthy people are necessary. Developing a higher level of Relational IQ will help to identify those unhealthy people and harness personal power to not let those people hurt, disrespect, or transmit negativity such that you are affected by these attempts. Instead, personal power can be used to turn the tide on those unhealthy people and maintain your resilience and composure to stay the course.
9. Don’t forget who and what really matters. The most valuable people aren’t always the most visible. People of true value bring fulfillment, not frustration. All too often, those taken for granted or overlooked are veritable lifesavers or ones that silently help us achieve goals, provide encouragement, or offer important insights and connections.
10. Don’t accept everyone. The people around you right now are setting the course for next week, month, year, and possibly the rest of your career. Accordingly, there must be a qualification and selection process for those you choose to surround yourself with. Blocking the wrong people is the only way to make room for the right people who help you achieve your dreams, enrich your lives, and create a happy, satisfying experience.
Fundamentally, every relationship you have influences you. There are no neutral relationships; each one lifts you up or weighs you down. They move you forward or hold you back. They help you or they hurt you. Only by cultivating your Relational IQ—knowing which is which and how to turn the tide on those that are negative—can you then take the appropriate action. Not to be taken lightly, these actions and decisions can make the difference between a great, happy work life or one that is riddled with disappointment, failure, and regret.
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Van Moody is the author of The People Factor (Thomas Nelson) and a motivational speaker who advises on matters related to relationships as they pertain to friends, family, significant others, and the workplace. He is a “People Scholar” who helps others build their Relational IQ to achieve success at home, in their social circles, and in business. He may be reached online at www.vanmoody.com.
What happened the number five?