That's What She Said

Still a Disaster, Thankfully

car wreckLitigation Value: minimum $250,000 if Dwight gets the job.

C’mon, let’s be honest. You watched the season finale of The Office for the same reason that millions of fans watch NASCAR. You knew a pile-up was coming. And you kind of hoped the crash would be fantastically terrible — so long as no one was terribly injured.

That’s at least why I tuned-in last night. I suspected the process of interviewing current employees and outside applicants for the position of manager might be a bit treacherous for everyone involved. Needless to say, my suspicions were confirmed.

Some did not survive. Jo sent Gabe to Florida after his passion for Erin and hatred of Andy got the best of him during Andy’s interview. For a moment, it looked like the entire branch might succumb to the hypnotic powers of James Spader. According to Mr. Spader’s character, sales are all about sex. In fact, everything is about sex. While Jim was “weirded out” by the applicant, he also thought he might be a genius. While I’ve never been a huge James Spader fan, his performance was truly inspired and provided some of the night’s funnier moments. As promised, a number of stars strolled into the Scranton branch looking for a job, including Jim Carey and Ray Romano.

Not surprisingly, Dwight made the most audacious strategic move by any applicant. Well, to be accurate, he made multiple audacious strategic moves. First, after being told that he would not be considered for the position because of his dangerous antics last week, he applied anyway, disguising himself with bandages and a foreign accent. When Jo finally relented and agreed to allow Dwight to reapply legitimately, Dwight successfully bribed two of the three employees interviewing him — Kelly and Toby. Dwight also attempted to bribe Jim, offering him a prime parking spot, leisurely schedule, and “unlimited sex breaks” for him and Pam. If Dwight were to get the job, the bribes would certainly prove relevant in a claim for negligent hiring if/when Dwight caused trouble in the future.

All I can say is that the Scranton branch better select a new manager soon before Creed burns the whole place down. After becoming the interim manager, Creed quickly set himself to dismantling the Scranton branch’s entire client base. He explained to clients that the company was going out of business and that he was starting his own paper company. While Creed may be motivated by greed, he always defies logic, and insanity is probably the driving force behind his actions. Creed should be careful that he is not sued for intentional interference with business relations. Moreover, I’m sure the Scranton branch did not have the foresight to require Creed to sign nonsolicitation and noncompete agreements, but it would have been well served by doing so.

One thing is for certain, the season finale provided us with plenty of assurance that the Scranton branch is not going to become a smoothly run operation anytime soon. Danger lurks just around the next turn . . . and that’s a relief.