Everything I need to know about management, I learned from my mother. No, she wasn’t the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. In fact, she didn’t work outside the home for more than 30 years while she raised me and my three siblings. Yet every management lesson I’ve learned in my 25 years in business, I had already learned from my mother. If only I had listened better to her. I’m sure she’d say the same thing! So what is it that a stay-at-home mom taught me about management while I was just a boy? The following are 10 lessons I’d like to share with you.
Jean Oswald
Rule 1: Honesty is the best policy
When I was in the third grade, I got into a schoolyard fight. The school principal made me take a note home to have my parents sign. I tried to turn in a forged note but got cold feet and said I was sick. I finally gave the note to my mom and she signed it. I’m sure she had a few words of wisdom for me that morning, but more than anything, she knew I had learned a great lesson — honesty really is the best policy.
The same is true in business. If you want to be a leader, you need to develop trust with people. It’s often said that a leader doesn’t have to be liked, but he does need to be respected. Well, people don’t respect dishonest leaders. It takes a tremendous amount of time to build trust with the people you work with — and only one moment to destroy it.
Rule 2: Treat others with kindness
My mother was one of the most kindhearted people you could ever hope to meet. She often put others ahead of herself. Managers usually think they need to be tough or that kindness and management don’t mix. I’m here to tell you that’s wrong. I’m a big believer in servant leadership. Leaders need to be prepared to put others before themselves. They need to be considerate of others.
But never, ever, ever do you break rule #1 in an attempt to follow rule #2. You need to be honest with people. You cannot let your kindness stand in the way of honesty. Some managers dodge the difficult conversation and use rule #2 as the excuse. That’s plain wrong. The considerate thing to do is to tell the person what he’s doing wrong so he has the opportunity to correct it. By not telling him, you’re punishing him — not being kind.
Rule 3: Be prepared!
I know it’s the Boy Scout’s motto, but it was something my mother obviously knew and passed on to me. On a late fall day, about two months after I had started driving, I found a box of stuff in the trunk of the family car — a candle inside a coffee can, a pair of wool socks, a pair of gloves, a blanket. My mom said it was my emergency kit, in case I got into trouble on the road. She was thinking ahead. I was prepared for a winter emergency before the first flake of snow had fallen.
Managers need this skill. They need to be prepared for any eventuality that might arise. You might not need to prepare your own emergency kit, but you need to make sure you’ve thought through all the possible outcomes and have given some thought to what you might do if things don’t go exactly according to plan. Because we all know things don’t always go according to plan.
Rule 4: Patience is a virtue
My mother had the patience of a saint. My younger brother and I tested her patience daily and she was unflappable. Patience isn’t my strong suit. Never has been. I wish I had inherited that gene from her or had learned the lesson that she taught by example on a daily basis.
As a manager, I’m not always the best teacher because I want to keep jumping to the end. “This is what it needs to look like!” “Yes, but how did you get there? How do you do it?”
Sometimes instead of taking people through a process step by step, I want to jump in and show them. And when I show them it’s done — and done by me — when I’m done teaching. How convenient . . . for me!
As a manager, patience is a virtue. Whenever you’re dealing with people you need to learn to be patient. Whether you’re trying to teach them or lead them, you need to take the time to slow down and fully understand the people you work with.
Rule 5: Teach by example
By now, I think it’s obvious that my mom provided an excellent example for me and my siblings. She was a pretty soft-spoken person, but her actions spoke volumes, not only about who she was, but also what was expected of us.
A manager is the same way. What you do says a lot more about who you are and what you value than what you say. As a person climbs the ranks in a company, more and more people watch to see how he behaves. They’re watching for cues about what’s important and they mimic leadership. As a manager, be aware that you’re being watched. It comes with the territory. If you know how you want your people to act, you’d better be prepared to act that way yourself because they’re likely to emulate your actions.
Rule 6: Respect others
That’s a simple rule. Respect others. Didn’t all of our mothers teach us that? Mine certainly did. It was just expected. My mother also taught me that respect is a two-way street — you need to give it in order to get it. Too many times I see managers who don’t seem to understand that. They believe that respect comes with the title. I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t.
Rule 7: Associate with good people
I can’t recall that my mother ever said these words to me, but it’s still a lesson I clearly learned from her. She taught me that you are judged by the company you keep. This is true in business as well. Who you choose to do business with, who you choose for your team, even who you work for reflects on you.
I’ve had the good fortune of associating with some good people throughout my career; and I’ve also made a mistake or two in this department. Picking the wrong people to work with and for takes a lot of the joy out of the work you do. I can think of a couple of specific instances from my past where associating with the wrong people made coming to work a lot less fun.
But the good ones, when I’ve picked the right people, have provided me with great opportunities for learning, development, and career advancement. By carefully choosing my partners, I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve done and the people I’ve associated with.
Rule 8: Be an advocate
Everyone knows to fear the momma bear. You ever see what a momma bear does when her cubs are in danger? She gets downright mean and nasty. Now my mom is a pretty soft-spoken person, but she’d stick up for her kids if she felt it was necessary. She knew how to be an advocate for us. Still does.
A good manager knows how to do the same. Part of the responsibility of being a good manager is taking care of your people. You need to defend your team when they need defending. You need to make sure others aren’t taking advantage of your people or treating them unfairly. You may need to take one for the team occasionally. And there will be times when you accept responsibility for something you didn’t do or even know about. It comes with the job. Fail to be an advocate and you’ll be an ineffective leader.
Rule 9: Praise matters
My mom was pretty good at giving her kids a pat on the back. She let us know when she thought we were doing things well. She was quick with the praise and it felt pretty good. As a manager, we should all take a play out of mom’s playbook.
I’m not really effusive with the praise. I need to be better at it, because praise matters. People need to hear when they’re doing a great job. They even need to hear when they’re not. I realize sometimes it’s hard to find something to be positive about, but you need to work on it. You need to look for reasons to praise your people.
Whenever you can, make the praise public. Say it in a meeting, put it in the company newsletter, shout it from the rooftop, but do it publicly. It counts for a lot more!
Rule 10: Do Your Best
I wasn’t the best student. My older sister was brilliant. But somehow my mother understood the differences between the two of us. She didn’t ask me to best or even match my sister’s academic accomplishments — how do you beat straight “A”s?
What my mom always asked of me, was that I did my best. She measured effort. She wanted to know that I was applying myself. What she didn’t accept was a lack of effort.
As a manager you need to know your own capabilities. You need to do what you do well and delegate to others what you don’t do as well. You need to expect the best out of the people you manage. You need to know what they are each capable of and how they can contribute. By knowing your people well you can delegate properly and you can set reasonable expectations for people.
Those are the 10 lessons that I learned about management from my mom. You see, when it comes right down to it, management is about morals and values. It’s about choices. Most of all, it’s about people. My mom was the one who taught me about all of those things, and I’ve been able to apply her lessons every day of my career.