It was a busy travel day and, as often is the case, a flight was canceled. As you might expect, the passengers weren’t all that happy about it. One man in particular was visibly upset by the canceled flight.
As he waited in line to book passage on another flight, he became increasingly agitated until he stormed to the front of the line. There, he confronted an airline employee, saying, “I demand that you find me a first-class seat on the very next flight out!”
Despite the chaos and his rudeness, the gate attendant responded calmly and politely that he must find his place in line. She would help him when it was his turn.
As he angrily pointed a finger at the attendant, he raised his voice and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” At this, all the heads in the gate area turned to see what was going on.
Well, the attendant didn’t miss a beat. She picked up the intercom and speaking very clearly said, “We have a gentleman here at the counter who needs your help. He doesn’t know who he is. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come here to the counter.”
Well, that took the wind out of the man’s sails. More than a little red-faced, he returned to the back of the line to wait his turn.
“Don’t you know who I am?”
Have you ever asked that question or felt the way that man did? I know I have. It’s a feeling of entitlement. We believe we deserve something, to be treated a certain way or to be given something.
That sense of entitlement is dangerous — especially in the workplace.
Maybe it’s the boss who believes he is entitled to respect because of his position. He becomes angry when those around him don’t treat him in the manner he expects — the manner to which his position entitles him. It could be the person who believes that since she is the customer, she’s entitled to be right — indeed, the customer is always right. It could be the vendor who feels entitled to a company’s business because of a relationship with a senior executive or the gifts he has bestowed on those who work there.
There is very little we are entitled to. Certainly, the boss isn’t entitled to respect; he must earn it. The customer isn’t entitled to be right regardless of the position she takes; she must be reasonable. And the vendor isn’t entitled to a company’s business; he must win it.
Our country’s Declaration of Independence says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
Nowhere in there does it say we are entitled to respect or to be treated a certain way. And expecting those things, having a sense of entitlement, causes bitterness and resentment. How many times have you gotten angry or resentful because you were not treated as you expected? How many times have you been upset because you weren’t given those things you deserved?
When we believe we are entitled to certain things, instead of focusing on how we can earn them, we set ourselves up for failure. When you assume you’re entitled to something, you stop working to get it and begin waiting for it to come to you. That’s a sure-fire way to fail.
Instead, assume that you’re entitled to nothing. Set out every day to earn those things that you desire most. If you want your coworkers’ respect, work hard to earn it. If you want to be treated like a valued customer, act like one. If you value the business of a specific company, endeavor to serve them better than anyone else. You will quickly find that by actively seeking these things, you are much more likely to find them than if you sit back and wait for them because you believe you’re entitled to them.
I agree that people are not entitled to preferential treatment, but disagree that respect has to be earned. I think respect is the starting point and disrespect has to be earned. Would it be appropriate for a new supervisor to act disrespectfully towards his employees because they haven’t earned his respect yet? Would it be appropriate for a waitress to disrespect a customer because he has not earned her respect yet. I suggest that respect should be the default and people need to earn disrespect.
I believe that we should not feel that we are entitled to anything. We should treat others as we want to be treated. However, I also believe that our society has a lack of respect towards one another, in the work place, as well as outside of the work place. There is a lack of respect towards one’s boss, toward the customer, and just toward each other in general. What happened to holding the door for another person? What happened to waiting patiently for your turn to come up? What happened to you at least owe your boss an explanation when you are late or have to leave work?
I do not believe that anyone is entitled to anything, however I believe that a boss is entitled to a certain level of respect, whether they have earned it; I believe a customer is entitled to a certain level of respect from the customer; the clerk at the counter is entitled to a certail level of respect from the customer.
I agree with David and Amy. Often, resolving a high-conflict situation involves explaining to one (or both) parties that the other person is feeling disrespected. It’s not uncommon for someone to come back with the old chestnut, “Respect has to be earned!” as if that’s a universal truth. On the contrary, everyone should expect to be treated respectfully, no matter what. If someone disagrees with someone else, they should do so with respect—perhaps firmly, but still with respect.
In the (apocryphal) story above, one would think we’d be glad for the arrogant passenger’s comeuppance. But as professionals, of course, even if someone is acting like a horse’s rear end, we have an obligation to keep our cool and not resort to humiliating a customer, a client, or anyone else in our workplace.
Respect is one part. Etiquette and manners are the other part of this. Respect your fellow human. Etiquette and manners separate out the civilized from the ones with no self control.
I’m always reluctant to jump in because I don’t want to appear defensive, but I think there is difference between respect and being respectful. I believe I can treat someone with respect without respecting him. I think respect is earned, but it’s a right to be treated respectfully. A difference without distinction? I don’t think so.
Dan, I have to agree with you. People should extend common courtesy to one another, but respect is earned. In my opinion it is based on how that person treats you and accepting that someone can have a different viewpoint, without either party feeling attacked. It seems like it would be impossible to respect a stranger as you know nothing of them, but I think they should be treated with common courtesy. I do not agree tho in humiliating an arrogant customer, it takes on the quality of punishment and if they don’t have the common courtesy to think just as highly of everyone else in line, that is theirs to deal with…..just my 2 cents