‘Twas the holiday season upon us once more,
Not a single employee was at HR’s door.
The silence was heavy; I was starting to freak.
I hadn’t a complaint in more than a week.
No lawsuits or grievances were pending at all.
Instead of unease, I should be having a ball.
Our lawyer thinks I’m dead—I haven’t made a call.
Yet all I can do is wait for the other shoe to fall.
Employees were trained as required by law
Not to grope, fondle, feel, or otherwise paw.
The handbook was updated, acknowledgments signed.
That NLRB guidance almost blew my mind.
I took out the language that was certain to chill
Because wages and hours are not confidential.
Our handbook was given a complete overhaul.
Revising conduct rules was the hardest of all.
And speaking of conduct, where has everyone gone?
Are they suddenly (eerily) getting along?
I take a deep breath and head to the break room.
The postings are current, not a single cartoon.
Then what to my wondering eyes should appear
But all my employees and staff I hold dear.
“We all want to thank you for all that you’ve done.
Let’s start the holidays by having some fun!”
“No beer! No liquor! And no copying our bums!
No mistletoe smooching! We’re just having fun!”
My heart swelled with pride, as tears blurred my sight.
Merry Christmas to all. Now let’s do this up right!
Vanessa L. Goddard is an attorney with Steptoe & Johnson PLLC in Morgantown, West Virginia. She may be contacted at vanessa.goddard@steptoe-johnson.com.
Well done!
Simply great!
Rosa