What About the Tough Nut? Four Ts

 

With difficult, loud people, ask, Why is he or she so difficult? Maybe my thought is that this person is insecure, so I change my behavior, things change for the better, and the other person takes the credit.

But there’s the beginning of a relationship.

Four Ts of Crucial Connections

To work on difficult relationships, Schooling recommends the four Ts.

Targeted. Start with a targeted request, says Schooling. “I don’t know this and I want to know it.” It’s a simple request.

Tentative. You are connected, and now you want more. You are comfortable e-mailing, and a relationship is starting to build.

Transactional. You work well together to get the day-to-day work done

Trusted. This is the hardest to achieve, but the most beneficial. You are a mentor, a partner. This is the kind of relationship we need, says Schooling.

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How Can We Move Toward Trusted?

Schooling offers several tips for developing relationships.

Attraction. Find something that you like about the other person. If the answer is, “not much,” find something. How about the person dresses well,  or maybe, or likes dogs.

Shared interests. Maybe there’s something on which to start to build a relationship.

Work it out. You may have to agree to disagree on issues. Always listen and seek to understand. Work to change the dynamics.

Be proactive. Seek out opportunities to communicate, discuss, and strengthen the relationship.

Ask for input. One client was going to introduce a new psychometric evaluation tool for hiring. They got the managers together and asked about where this would be helpful and how it should be used. Just by virtue of asking, they got buy-in.

Involve others in decisions. Similarly, a client was going to introduce a new performance appraisal system. They were just going to announce it. No, says Schooling, involve the managers in the design.

Provide what they need. Yes we can, not no we can’t. Demonstrate value.

Get out. What’s happening in your world? Meet them where they are. For example, says Schooling, visit sales. “Hey, you guys did $95,000 yesterday. Congrats.” And sales response is going to be, “Wow, HR knows that.” Give praise when praise is due.

Building relationships across the organization–one of what, a dozen challenges on your desk? In HR, if it’s not one thing, it’s another. Like FMLA intermittent leave, overtime hassles, ADA accommodation, and then on top of that, whatever the agencies and courts throw in your way.

You need a go-to resource, and our editors recommend the “everything-HR-in-one website,” HR.BLR.com. As an example of what you will find, here are some policy recommendations concerning e-mail, excerpted from a sample policy on the website:

Privacy. The director of information services can override any individual password and thus has access to all e-mail messages in order to ensure compliance with company policy. This means that employees do not have an expectation of privacy in their company e-mail or any other information stored or accessed on company computers.

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E-mail review. All e-mail is subject to review by management. Your use of the  e-mail system grants consent to the review of any of the messages to or from you in the system in printed form or in any other medium.

Solicitation. In line with our general policy, e-mail must not be used to solicit for outside business ventures, personal parties, social meetings, charities, membership in any organization, political causes, religious causes, or other matters not connected to the company’s business.

We should point out that this is just one of hundreds of sample policies on the site. (You’ll also find analyses of laws and issues, job descriptions, and complete training materials for hundreds of HR topics.)

You can examine the entire HR.BLR.com program free of any cost or commitment. It’s quite remarkable—30 years of accumulated HR knowledge, tools, and skills gathered in one place and accessible at the click of a mouse.

What’s more, we’ll supply a free downloadable copy of our special report, Critical HR Recordkeeping—From Hiring to Termination, just for looking at HR.BLR.com. If you’d like to try it at absolutely no cost or obligation to continue (and get the special report, no matter what you decide), go here.