To maintain or improve organizational performance, business leaders often reach for feedback. But feedback is a word and a practice that often inspires anxiety, frustration, and confusion. Instead of feedback being used effectively to highlight possibilities, in many teams it’s a practice that happens a few times a year and people try to ‘get through’ it as quickly as possible. This not only incurs a loss of investment; more importantly it leads to missed opportunities for people to grow and an organization to perform sustainably.
When conducting the research for my book Can I Offer You Something? I discovered that missed opportunities are most often due to the reactions the word itself provokes, and the ambiguity created when different things get packaged up as “feedback.” The word feedback has evolved into a catch-all term for directions, instructions, opinions, judgments, criticisms, praise, and more. It’s no wonder all this leads to confusion.
Anxiety and Confusion
Reactions to the term feedback can vary a great deal. Some people are excited, but a common response is anxiety. That’s because people’s fight, flight, and freeze responses kick in. This sudden flood of chemicals stops people from being present in the current conversation, instead looking for the quickest way to minimize or avoid the threat their system is perceiving—the anxiety of feedback. As a result, people try to rush through feedback conversations or avoid them all together, and all of this leads to the whole thing feeling transactional.
Poorly Executed Feedback
Working as an organizational psychologist, I have come across managers believing they are exchanging clear feedback when the opposite is true. For others, in an effort not to come across as micromanaging or too direct, their feedback can become diluted to such an extent that it’s unclear what they are truly asking someone to do with their comments. This can result in managers feeling irritated that things are not getting done, that they need to repeat meetings, or become concerned that their staff are focused on the wrong priorities.
For individuals on the receiving end, they too can be left feeling frustrated: frustrated that expectations are not clear, that they get told too late when something critical to their career development needs to change, or told too few times, if at all, when they are doing a good job. All this can leave them feeling undervalued and demotivated.
A Different Way
As I found out in my research, what most people want is a relational, not transactional, experience with feedback. A conversation, based on a relationship, that provides the clarity they need to perform, has a positive impact and uses perspectives to leverage opportunities. This starts with leaving the word feedback behind and becoming clear about what you are offering someone.
Here are three key steps that you might find helpful:
Your Outcome
Start by defining the outcome you are intending to share. Is it something that the person must act or deliver on, or are you simply sharing your experience of something that they can take or leave? Three of the most common outcomes that get muddled under the label of feedback are when giving a direction, instruction, or perspective.
If you know you want someone to act on your comments, it’s better for all involved if you can be clear about this upfront rather than try to nudge people there. By becoming more intentional and clearly defining your outcome you will be able to choose the most effective approach for setting expectations clearly, minimizing ambiguity, and saving yourself and others unhelpful stress and anxiety.
Your Approach
Direction. Be explicit with your people that what you are asking them to do has to be done, but they have autonomy and support, if needed, to decide how it’s done. When giving someone a direction there is usually a consequence to the work, organization, or individuals if the things are not completed.
Instruction. Be explicit with your people about how something needs to be done, the process or steps that need to be completed. For example, this could be related to a process that needs to be followed in a certain way for compliance or safety reasons. When the process or steps are not followed there may be a detrimental consequence to the work, organization, or individuals.
Perspective. Convey how you see, hear, or experience things from your point of view. The person on the receiving end has the autonomy and choice of what to do with it, without concern of punitive consequence. A perspective is neither true or false, right or wrong, but it may be useful to consider for the good of relationships, wellbeing, and performance.
The Human in Front of You
Once you are clear about your outcome and the approach to give you the best chance of achieving it, it’s time to think about the people in front of you. In my experience, people generally know how they best receive feedback and what their preferences are. But the vast majority have never shared their preferences with their leader or colleagues and likewise, few have been asked about their preferences by someone else at work.
For example, some people prefer to receive your comments in writing first so they can reflect, some want to talk about it and follow up with questions later. Your people know what works for them and so with one simple question to them you can get much of the data you need to save you time, energy, and stress when sharing perspectives.
The question you need to ask is: ‘What’s your preferred way for me to share perspectives with you?’
The Bottom Line
Feedback is a provocative term that inspires anxiety and uncertainty, but this doesn’t mean people don’t want it. People want to contribute, to be effective, and to have opportunities to develop in their careers. If we want to get the best out of our people, we need to stop giving feedback and start using perspectives.
Becky Westwood is an Organisational Psychologist, and Chief Experience Officer of Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy. Becky is author of ‘Can I Offer You Something? Expert Ways to Unpack the Horrors of Organisational Feedback.’