In this age of heightened awareness of inequality, bias, and bad behavior concerning sex, gender, race, age, and ethnicity, employers are increasingly required to provide psychologically safe workplaces characterized by respectful treatment. To do this, employers must be prepared to manage unacceptable conduct effectively.
The conduct of abrasive leaders (otherwise known as bosses who bully) can be enormously destructive, with management styles involving intimidation, overcontrol, emotional volatility, and inappropriate sexual, racial, and ethnic comments or behaviors. Their unacceptable conduct can wreak havoc on an organization, resulting in the alienation and attrition of valued employees, costly litigation, disrupted productivity, and loss of reputation.
Most management books don’t address the challenge of managing abrasive behavior, otherwise known as unacceptable conduct. They simply advise managers to document the conduct problems and tell the individual to improve their behavior. This simplistic approach may work for managing performance problems, but it’s doomed to fail with problematic conduct because telling an abrasive leader to stop being abrasive is like telling a drowning person to start swimming; it’s accurate advice but not particularly helpful because most abrasive leaders see no need to change, and even if they do, they know no better way to achieve their objectives.
Over my many years of coaching abrasive leaders, I’ve discovered that the vast majority don’t perceive themselves to be abrasive; they consider their harsh management styles to be necessary “to get the job done.” Because of this, management’s attempts to address their behaviors are met with denial and defensiveness. More often than not, their managers avoid these discussions, often referring “the problem” to you.
Why Managers Are Afraid to Manage Conduct
Managers accept that it’s their job to manage unacceptable performance. So why do they fail to manage the unacceptable conduct of their abrasive leaders? Is it because they’re heartless and care nothing about suffering employees and disrupted work? I suspect you already know the answer to this question from your own experience. Having coached abrasive leaders over the past 35 years, I’ve discovered that most managers of abrasive leaders aren’t heartless; they’re spineless—they’re afraid to intervene. Fearful of being harmed by, or doing harm to, their technically competent but interpersonally incompetent leaders, managers sink into paralysis, feeling helpless and hopeless.
Are you tired of telling managers it’s their job to manage bad leadership behavior, not yours? Do you wish they’d find the courage to stop workplace bullying by bosses? Here’s the good news: Most abrasive leaders can change if their managers motivate them to transform their leadership styles using management intervention.
Management intervention consists of presenting the individuals with the negative perceptions of their conduct, setting limits and consequences for continued negative perceptions, and developing a conduct improvement plan that includes the offer of specialized help.
The 7 Vertebrae of a Management Backbone
To intervene confidently and effectively, managers need to grow a management backbone that will support them through the challenging process of dealing with an abrasive leader’s denial and defensiveness. Let’s examine the seven vertebrae:
- I am the guardian of my organization’s mission and the employees who work to fulfill it.
- As such, it’s my responsibility to promote performance and conduct that supports our mission and defend against unacceptable performance or conduct that threatens our mission.
- It’s also my responsibility to provide a physically and psychologically safe environment for our employees who work to fulfill our mission.
- I have the right and responsibility to determine acceptable performance and conduct for my employees.
- It’s my responsibility to monitor and manage for acceptable performance and conduct.
- If I don’t do it, who will?
- My perceptions prevail.
- As a manager, I have a duty to act on my perceptions.
Intervention in 5 Steps
Now that managers are supported by their backbones, you can help them learn the steps of effective intervention:
1. Explain why you’re meeting, stating that you consider it your responsibility to make the individual aware of a serious situation:
“I have a responsibility to let you know about these concerns—these negative perceptions.”
2. Make the leader aware of the negative perceptions, describing them as precisely as possible without breaching confidentiality:
“I saw … you do/say …” (direct perceptions).
“I heard … /I was told … you did/said …” (indirect perceptions).
3. Describe the impact of the negative perceptions:
“The individuals felt treated disrespectfully.”
“People feel intimidated and no longer want to interact with you.”
4. State limits and consequences for continued negative perceptions:
“This can’t go on—these negative perceptions can’t continue.”
“We can’t have people feeling they are treated disrespectfully.”
“This situation is not acceptable.”
“If these negative perceptions continue, I will have to (state consequence).”
“You need to understand that each person’s perception is their reality—yours, mine, and your coworkers’. Perceptions are powerful, and I don’t want these negative perceptions to interfere with your success and, ultimately, your career. I value your contributions very highly, and I want you here for the long haul—you are a highly valued contributor. But that can’t happen unless you decide to work to eliminate these negative perceptions and turn around your management style. We are committed to providing a workplace where people feel physically and psychologically safe—free of physical or psychological injury. These negative perceptions of your interactions are jeopardizing our commitment, and I can’t have that.”
5. Offer help. For mild cases, offer internal mentoring by you or another skilled manager:
“Come to me when you encounter this kind of situation again, and we can talk about how to deal with it more productively. I am here to help.”
For moderate to severe cases, offer specialized coaching:
“I want to offer you coaching specifically designed for leaders who have negative perceptions about their management style. The coaching is confidential and will give you insight into what the negative perceptions are, what’s causing them, and strategies to eliminate them. I’m not able to give you a lot of specific information on the negative perceptions because people requested confidentiality when they voiced their concerns. The coach would be able to provide you with those specifics.”
Make it clear that acceptance of the offered help is voluntary, but the cessation of negative perceptions is mandatory:
“You’re not required to accept the offer of help; however, you are required to turn around these negative perceptions.”
Early intervention is key; here, the manager exhibits the courage and compassion to open the abrasive leader’s eyes to the negative perceptions and offer help before they evolve into formal complaints followed by lengthy, costly, and unproductive investigations that take a toll on all involved.
Does intervention designed for abrasive leaders work? The answer is yes. Recent research on the positive impact of management intervention with abrasive leaders underscores the importance of a management backbone, described by Dr. Lori Tucker:
“Abrasive leaders need courageous superiors. [These abrasive leaders] were exceptional contributors in many respects. They worked hard. They exceeded expectations. They were dedicated. These leaders obtained results. However, highly skilled leaders may, unknowingly, cause significant emotional disruption in the workplace. [They] did not intend harm. Furthermore, they were unaware of the harm caused by their behaviors. They were situationally unaware and blinded to how others perceived them. They needed courageous superiors intervening to help them begin to see. Once their superiors required accountability, [the leaders] became committed to changing their behavior. It takes courage for the superior to intervene with an abrasive leader who may possibly be an all-star in some respects but who also causes emotional distress for coworkers.”
Known as the Boss Whisperer®, psychotherapist, corporate executive, executive coach, researcher, speaker, and author Dr. Laura Crawshaw specializes in researching and coaching abrasive leaders. She founded The Boss Whispering Institute, whose mission is to relieve suffering in the workplace caused by abrasive leaders through research and training (www.bosswhispering.com). Her first book, Taming the Abrasive Manager: How to End Unnecessary Roughness in the Workplace, describes her journey of discovery in coaching abrasive leaders. Her new book is Grow Your Spine & Manage Abrasive Leadership Behavior: A Guide for Those Who Manage Bosses Who Bully.